Jeans: An Expository Essay

One time, when i got together with friends from high school and beyond, we all looked through an album of pictures of us back in the day. Oh, what good times. Also, oh what ugly frugly jeans. Why were we all wearing such ill-fitting jeans? Was this all that was available? did we just not know how to dress ourselves? Confession: I once bought boy jeans.. ohhh how much more unflattering could that get. Sad. Anyway, finally things started to change. Styles changed. Mariah Carey cut off the tops of her jeans and people started to follow. They started making the blessed low-rise jeans. They were great. Jeans that don't go up to your armpits are always great. However, there began to be a problem. They started going lower and lower and phrases like "coin slot" and "muffin top" were born. I like the low rise but not that low. I mean, let's be honest. Sometimes the only thing keeping my jeans from falling from my waist to the floor is a big breakfast that day. Zippers are only for show, being 2 inches long, tops. And speaking of tops, you have to wear knee-length shirts if you ever want to bend over w/out exposing yourself. It's funny how inadvertantly ladies of today have become more refined and supposedly "lady-like" as the women of yesteryear who never bent over, but just bent their knees and lowered themselves to the ground. Such is the act a girl must do today if they drop something. You know it, I know it. We know the act well.

What will come of jeans in days, months, years ahead? Will we go back to the mom-jeans we made fun of yet wore, ourselves, back in high school? Will we also wear leather braided belts and flip them around so that the strap points down toward the ground? Maybe, who can say? We shall wait and see.