If We Mated

[warning: potential TMI & sap alert.]

I should totally get my non-paid money back from this website telling me that apparently...


+

=

?

Mmm... no. I see little resemblance.
















those dimples just might be the death of me.

So, I birthed a baby.

Name: Julian Rex. Julian because the name makes
my little heart melt and Rex because he's a
little dinosaur--KING of the dinosaurs.
Possible nicknames: Jude, Jules, or Jujubee, apparently.
Born: August 18 at 2:05pm
Weight: A good-sized melon
Length: about from the fingertips to the elbow

The birth: Highlights & lowlights on a vague timeline

Lowlight: All the false alarms. Was all set to go in for c-section on the 7th but at the last minute, baby fixed our problems and voila, we're doing it vagina style. Totally tripped me out though. On that day and in the days after, I felt like Gwyneth Paltrow in Sliding Doors, living an alternate reality.

Went in on the 13th certain it was going to be the day. It wasn't. Went home. PSYCH #2!

Highlight: contractions. It's an exciting time. Also, watching Sean doing some mad cleaning at 2am before we leave for the hospital. Vigorous vacuuming & dusting. So funny.

lowlight: interns learning how to insert an IV in my arm. Sucking at it. Insulting my veins. I defend them deliriously mid-contraction: "I have lovely veins..." And that's true, too. I've given blood a lot in my time and they always compliment me.

lowlight: painful contractions. I am wussy wusserson. Also, getting ye olde cervix checked and mumbling i might have a sensitive cervix.. when it gets touched.. like by doctors. Awkward surrounding laughter. Actually, that's kind of a highlight because it's funny, except when they do check me and I'm at a ONE. And it hurts like a feverish hell and I literally kick and snarl at them, "GET... OUT!" (yes, as in.. get out of my.........) Slightly embarrassed.

lowlight: get checked again by Dr. Satano at noon who declares i'm at a 3. pretty sure cervix is recoiling of its own accord at the touch of Evil.

highlight: what a blessed blessed thing an epidural is. Hadn't slept a wink the previous 2 nights so I got some good z's after that. I heart the epidural. Also, get a shot of pitocin to "get things rolling," aka, tell my cervix to stop being such a coward.

lowlight: get checked at 1:00 by our doc. highlight: Says i'm at a 6 but since it's my first kid, it'll be a while. Hours and hours, lowlight. Bummer. Highlight though: more sleepy time.

lowlight/highlight: feeling some pain and odd sensations.

highlight: got a button on my epidural stick to give myself a shot of more meds. Ahhhh. lowlight: still feeling weird things. Sean's out getting lunch.

highlight: Sean returns at 1:30 and i ring the goddess midwife and i tell her of my pains and weird sensations, like i want to push. She checks me. "Well, that could be because you're fully dilated and i can see his head. He has dark hair." Say what!She lets us alone to get to work while she fetches the doc. It is amazing at this time.

lowlight: Nurse Scary. She scares me. But she's kind of entertaining, highlight.

Highlight: Labor. Who said it was hard? Pffft, pansies. Then again, pushing for 20 minutes vs. hours might make a difference. In the moments afterward, as i laid back reveling in the moment of such a freakin' awesome event, i also kind of wondered, really? is that it? But, loving the post-delivery euphoria. Sean and i sobbing like little girls.

click here to watch a video of Tiny doing nothing.