Cookies a la )en

Why make the boring old recipe on the back of the chocolate chips when you can make cookies Jen style!

Basically:

• Take out 4 sticks of butter
• Put two in the microwave to soften a bit. Since it's an ancient microwave and uses a dial, swear to yourself you'll stick around and make sure it's only a few seconds.
• Whereupon, immediately get distracted by something and forget about the butter.
• When the microwave *dings!* cuss and check it out.
• Feel super soft, soggy, and melty hot butters. Reach up above the fridge and decide the worse stick is ok to take out above your head and examine.
• Immediately drip melted butter on your pants and in a fit to avoid making a huge mess, fling the half-melted stick of butter into the sink, splattering a trail of butter on the floor, and splashing hot butter in and out and around the sink.
• Think, ah, that won't happen again with the 2nd stick. I'll be more careful.
• Do the exact same thing with the 2nd stick.
• After they've sat in the sink for a while, throw the two sticks in the trash.
• Get your remaining two sticks of butter. This time chain yourself to the fridge so you won't walk away and forget.
• Proceed to make the cookies normally.
• When you get to the part of the eggs, keep your mixer on. 
• Crack the first egg and drop it into the bowl cleanly, with zero shells.
• Then as you put the two shell halves together to throw in the trash, fumble with them in your slippery slimy fingers and promptly drop them directly into the currently-mixing mixing bowl. 
• Bellow in horror and turn off the mixer as fast as you can.
• Survey the scene. Laugh at the scene.  Spend several minutes trying to take out each and every shell bit that was pulverized into the cookie dough.  Make it into a game.  5 points for every found shell bit!  Award self 5,000 points.
• Proceed as instructed.
• When you're adding the chocolate chips, notice some mini-marshmallows sitting on the counter.
• Grab a handful and toss 'em in.
• Bake cookies as instructed.
• When they are done, notice several cookies have some shell bits. Dig them out.
• Take these boring chocolate chip cookies and rename them, "Jen's Halloween Cookies of Mystery"
• Explain to people that when they see white in their cookie, it might be eggshell, but it also might be marshmallow!  Which one will it be? Trick or treat?

*cue scary music*