The Hugger

So, though I'm not against it, I am not really what you'd call a hugger. Except I often find myself hugging people in the most awkward ways or moments.  And in fact, that's basically the only time I hug. I'm an awkward hugger. Rarely is it at an appropriate moment or in an appropriate way, so really you could say I'm strictly an awkward hugger.  I do it ALL the time. I don't know why. Maybe it's that I feel like since I'm not a hugger, I still think it's a good thing to do, so I decide early on that I'm going to do it and it's just happening and it can't be stopped. I just barrel through with the hug despite the inappropriate moment, and there's no turning back.  Like I quiz myself beforehand:  "is leaving a friend's house an ok time to hug? possibly. Sure! Let's do it"  no matter the circumstances.  Which brings us to Example A, and i think dubbed the first official Most Awkward Hug Ever.

Example A: we're-real-friends-now hug

I was visiting a friend who'd had a new baby. She was sitting on the couch nursing the babe and i was bustling around the kitchen making a mess of things and finally at the end, i was saying goodbye and she stood up and hugged me with her baby still a-latched, and we hugged (she one-armed hugged) around the nursing babe and laughed and it was awesome.

Example B: Under-my-umbrella hug

This one was my fault, and requires illustration.



A friend had a new baby and I was out and about and ran into her in a big rainstorm.  She had her baby strapped on and was carrying an umbrella.  I hadn't seen her since the birth and was being all, "ohh hey! congratulaaaations!"   and I went in to hug her but a few things made this awkward:

a) her umbrella.  She's shorter than I so i had to duck down under it and sort of contort my body, delving way into her personal space. I mean, it's just weird. An under-the-umbrella hug? Picture it.  Like, we don't need to hug; it's raining.  I've got an umbrella.

and b) she thought i was ducking down to see the baby.  And maybe i was?? i don't even know. All i know is something told me, this is a moment to be awkward--take it!  And I did.  So I swooped down and under and as she turned to show me the face of her baby (which--trying to spy a glimpse of a baby strapped onto someone is already awkward enough) i said, "nope, i'm goin' in!" and barreled through, past the baby, and straight for the umbrella hug.  It was so weird; i don't even know how it happened, physically.   It sure was entertaining though. For me, anyway. Later on.


Example C: Entrapment Hug

For this i was more of an inadvertent participant--or bystander--but it was still plenty awkward.  I accidentally got caught in someone else's hug.

I was attending a special and rather spiritual event honoring a friend of mine. We'd been chatting and I hooked my arm around her elbow in a friendly way that I like to do sometimes and we stood there like that for a minute. Then some more of her friends came around and she went in to hug someone except hold on!  Jen is still elbow hooked! And I became entangled and a part of this hug. My body, sort of hunched and twisted, was out of it but my arm was in it.  I don't even know what my arm was doing, nor if the actual hug participants noticed a 5th arm in their hug. They probably both assumed it was part of the other person.    Oh it was funny.  I've drawn another picture.



Example D: Hit-two-birds hug

This one is a bit more fuzzy but I'm pretty sure this was what happened.  It was a going-away picnic at the park for some friends who were moving away. And there could have been another family moving away as well, because i went to hug this guy and the other friend (i can NOT think of who it was--good friends! sorry, whoever you are) was close by so i just snagged them too. It could have been their spouse, even. But still-- I made two people hug me at once. You know, like a "hit two birds" kind of thing. "Well, while I'm here..." It was like a forced group hug, but not group, just a trio, which is awkward.  And it wasn't them hugging each other, it was just me hugging two people. It's kind of like the entrapment hug except you weren't caught, from an already existing hug; you were just close enough to get caught in someone else's, someone who grabbed you into it. We made fun of it and I exclaimed "ahh...awkward hugger jen strikes again."  

This happens so often in my life, it's really become a Thing, and it amuses me every time.  So look out, the next time I see you, you may get a hug from me.  And just remember: the more inappropriate the moment, the more likely it is to happen. You have been warned.