May I Help You?

Watching stuff while exercising is my favorite. Lately, I've been watching Clueless in snippets. Clueless, undeniably the greatest movie ever to come out of the 90's, has some real gems.  Cher Horowitz, the supposed "clueless" teenage heroine, has adopted a new friend to foster and indoctrinate, and discovers a greater depth of humanity and life when she reflects,

"It's like that book I read in the 9th grade that said, 'tis a far, far better thing doing stuff for other people.'"

I have a couple experiences I'd like to share regarding the service that has been rendered to me as a customer of late and this quote doesn't really have much to do with it but the movie is such an ingenious classic and I wanted to share, I mean "Cher," so there you go.

These two moments I'm going to tell you about made me laugh and, in spite of my frustration, are the kind of spice to my life I so enjoy. So I exasperatedly make fun but I owe a lot to these people and thank them from the bottom of my heart.

The first was when I was in the bakery portion of a local supermarket.  This place has a more gourmet quality, especially in the bakery and deli area so I allowed myself to have a bit of hope. Always on the desperate hunt for a decent baguette, eying the bagged, oblong bread loaves, I asked the girl behind the counter,

"Now, is this a crusty, classic baguette? or just a loaf of 'french bread'" snobbily knowing full well there is a difference and wondering if she will too. 

Her confused confirmation:     "yes, it's crusty french bread."

Me, trying again, but already knowing the answer:     "Ok, but it's soft, right?"

Because a baguette is not just a soft loaf of bread. The consistency is completely different and the correct crust, the air holes are imperative. Anyone who's had a good baguette will tell you this.

Helpful girl:     "It's soft, but if you want it crustier, you can just leave it out for a day or two."

Me:  and then

Then later, when relaying to Sean and the jokes come in:

"Just leave it out on the table for a while. It'll get hard."

"Great, thanks, because STALE bread is what i wanted.  This bread is too fresh! Gross."

Makes me be like, lol, and smh.  I still laugh about it.

The second story is about my poor little cat.  Cat, or Kat, or King Kitty, because his name fluctuates and nothing is set, recently injured himself. We think he got in a fight. We went down to the Goblin Valley some weekends ago for an overnighter.  Saturday evening upon our arrival, we noticed something weird about him. Even weirder than usual, i mean.  He was despondent, seemed a little out of sorts, and, as completely unreadable as a cat is, maybe even in some pain? I had him on my lap and was trying to brush him and when i got to a snag on his tail he hissed at me and, reprimanded, I ceased and desisted. The only thing strange about this is that he hissed instead of biting me which is his usual way of telling me he's had enough even though he was loooooving it two seconds go (smh).  But then later, with all of those factors combined with the fact that, as pointed out by Sean, his tail was hanging completely limp and Kat wouldn't move it at all, we realized something must be the matter. Wow it took a super long time to get this paragraph out. So complicated, for some reason.

The following Monday I called the vet. The conversation went like this:

Receptionist: Hello, you've reached the vet.

Me: Hi, I'm calling because something seems to be wrong with our cat's tail and I'm not sure if I should bring him in or what.  He won't let us touch it and he seems pretty out of it and possibly in pain.

Receptionist: Ok, so what do you mean about his tail? Like, is the bone exposed?

Jen: Ew, no. It just hangs there limply and he doesn't move it around. I'm wondering if he's been bitten. {retains grossed out face}

Ha ha ha ha.   And the jokes:

"Hi, yes. I'm wondering if there's something wrong with our cat's tail. He seems to be in some pain, seems kinda out of it. Also the bone is sticking out... is that normal? Is that not ok?"   

"There seems to be something the matter with our cat's tail. The bone is exposed. Do you think that could be part of the problem? Should we just wait it out or what..."

Or a continuation of her asking questions and me responding, horrified.  This is Sean's, as the receptionist, in a trying-to-be-helpful receptionist voice:

"Ok, so you think something might be wrong with the taill. Is the tail still attached? Did the tail fall off? And the kids are playing with it and won't give it back?"

Me: 


"NO! Nothing like that. It just seems to be hurting him!"  {Grossed out face}

All of these jokes are at the cruel expense of the cat but still! What the what? So hard to convey in text, but so, so funny to me.

These little run-ins have delighted me and have served me quite well on my eternal quest for funny stories.  So there you go. Special thanks to vet receptionist and bakery counter girl who taught me two important lessons:

1. If you want a classic French baguette, just leave any old loaf on the table for a few days and voila.

2. Having the bone exposed is generally a sign there's a problem and you should probably let a doctor at least take a look, just to be on the safe side.