Really Good Julian Story

This one is actually a two-for-one, so get excited.  First, it may have been mentioned that Julian has certain tendencies. We love him dearly but as an example of the following funny thing, when he was in first grade, I had to ban "bad guy" talk at breakfast.  It was excessive.

Lately we've had to crack down on him for saying basically every thought that enters his head, to us. It's all conversational. He's not being unkind or intentionally offensive.  Really I think what it is is he needs to learn how to have a filter.  Like, not EVERY thought needs to be said. We all have thoughts, I mean, c'mon.  But do we say every thought? No.  He is still learning this. This could be because he is so comfortable and open with us which is really a positive thing, and also that he has a dearth of kids, perhaps particularly age-appropriate boys in his life to share these interests.  

I have also told him I refuse to be a garbage receptacle in that I won't just listen to whatever thought happens to enter his brain. After a certain length being subjected to a certain style of talk, consisting of an over-abundance of certain subjects, it can bum me out or annoy me to high heaven.  Same goes for Sean.  So, like I said, we're cracking down and have to practice constant vigilance. This may not sound like a big deal to you and it's not really, but he talks about these things on a constant basis.  Bombs, weapons, death, dying, weird, disturbing, gross, etc. 

Sean just came in the room and I told him that this morning Julian started on something and it went like this:

JULIAN:  The way I'd like to die is-- 

JEN: --NOPE. 

JULIAN: [laughter]  Yeah, ok. I guess I'm young and don't need to be thinking about things like that... 

JEN: very good.

And then we laughed and Sean said he had one similar the other day:

JULIAN: I think I'd like to make some grenades--

SEAN: --NOPE 

JULIAN: .. I was going to say, 'with molasses in them!' 

Ha ha ha. 

Ok, that's funny story number one.

Here's the second and best one:

Julian has a certain quality where he is so smart, perhaps is told that he is smart, and therefore thinks he is sooooo smart.  And the way he talks about things can convince you he really knows what he's talking about and that you should believe him.  Sean confesses he shares this same quality.  Therefore, another thing I like to do is shut down Julian and remind him to humble the heck up and that he doesn't know what he's talking about. 

He's so insistent and passionate about these things. One small example is he's been reading Old Yeller and then he found my Zombie Survival Guide book and has been reading that, which i have now banned (banned books in our house) because it's chock-full of--you guessed it-- weapons! It's actually totally entertaining but not what i want for him at this moment in time. 

Anyway, the other day he said something so ridiculous and i had to jot it down:

JULIAN: But there are real accounts of being a zombie. 

JEN: No. 

JULIAN: Yes there are!

JEN: No. It is not real.

JULIAN: Yes, it's like with hydrophobia, which is technically being a zombie. 

ha ha ha. a) "hydrophobia"  b) "technically" and c) FALSE. 

I just realized that zombie book was written by the World War Z guy, which I read, and was totes different from the movie. I liked it, but now I'm thinking that Max Brooks may actually agree with Julian.

Ok, I guess this turned out to be sort of a three-for-one.  HERE is the final and best story:

We were in the car, driving to the library, back when that was a thing we did.  He was going on about something he was soooo sure he was an expert on and I was saying words in response, probably trying to shut him down. Dialogue went like this:

JULIAN:  I guess I am kind of a know-it-all.

Jen thinking, ah-ha, hallelujah--

JULIAN:-- but that's because I DO know it ALL! 

JEN: *exasperated eye roll.*

JULIAN, all smarter-than-thou:   Other kids say things like, "funner" and I'm like, go back to first grade and work on your pronunctuation. (read that to yourself a couple times. Like a combo of pronunciation and punctuation)

JEN: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

JULIAN: What? Why? What is it??

JEN: ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

JULIAN: What!! What IS IT?? What's the right word??

JEN: ha ha ha ha noooooo! I'm NEVER TELLING! You're soooo smart! ha ha ha ha ha.

JULIAN: What is the right word???

I refused to tell him.  Julian also loves swears but is not allowed to use them. So he's been experimenting with replacement swears, where you alter it slightly to make it ok. So the next thing he said was:

JULIAN:  Tell me! TELL ME. Tell me the gob-dan word!!

Which sent me over the edge on our way into the building.  

GOB-DAN. 

Ohhh it's my favorite story. Later on we told Sean this story and I made him promise not to tell him either, which he abode by.  Several weeks later we did tell Julian the correct word but I'll be danned if "pronunctutation" is not my new all-time favorite word.