Extended Spring

February. The long, drawn out death of winter.  It's utterly painful to watch, much less participate in.  But, like every year, it ended. We made it through because time continues to pass. I'm sitting here thinking about it and rather than having "gotten through" winter, it's really more like I just sat still until it passed.  That sounds more accurate.  I don't remember much. Sean's birthday was in there. We usually travel for it but this year we didn't and we felt it acutely. So instead we spent the day celebrating by skipping school, eating breakfast in a heated globe outside a restaurant, wandered through the University art museum, reminding ourselves that art still exists despite the possibility of having forgotten, picked up stunning gourmet birthday treats at a bakery that makes me feel human again, and watched School of Rock in an otherwise empty theater. And the moment the clock struck March 1st, I kissed February's sorry arse goodbye and didn't look back.   

March is like a really long turn of the keys praying the engine will eventually rev up. Turn over, turn over, turn over, March. I think I spent the whole month gripping those keys and now I have a cramp. One bright spot was Sean and I got our first vaccine shots and that feeing took us into April. We are fully vaccinated now and though I still want to be careful, I admit that my resolve is fading and I struggle to care. Basically this is me with my vaccine card whenever I go do something I wouldn’t have otherwise. 

Or how I feel, anyway. 

Spring feels longer this year, for some reason. Perhaps it's because I've eliminated all seasonal expectation so literally anything is a welcome surprise.  I keep turning around expecting us to be quite into summer and then I remember it's mid-April, or mid-to-late April and am totally surprised that we're still on this side of the heat. It's that weird time of year when you forget what season you're entering.  "Oo, it's chilly. Better be thinking about Halloween costumes. Wait. No."  Actually, JK because it's ALWAYS a good time to be thinking about Halloween costumes.  

So in honor of this transitorial (not a word) period, I would like to extend to you a poem I wrote on the eve of Easter. I have a friend who I like a lot but don't talk to often. She texted me out of the blue about something she saw that reminded her of me. It was nice and I love unexpected things like this.  In turn, since I had just finished it, I asked if I could send her a poem. She happily received it, as I thought she would, as that is the kind of person she is. Also, I kind of feel like, if you make it, share it.  Then it's real. 

Easter Poem

I feel there is a warming

In my heart before the air

The melting of a frozen stone

I forgot was even there

The living long forgotten

Life itself a distant train

The promises once made

Seek remembrance, refrain

The great Return is coming

The evidence is there

I hope that I can see it

Before distortion can impair

Shaking off the darkness

Is not an easy task

It clings to me, and I to it

And wear it like a mask (<-- ha. this one's dumb.) [<-- part of the poem]

Stronger is the cycle

The contrasting hope and fear

And I upon the threshold

Felt more fully year-to-year  

But in my contemplation

Of alternative, I find

The smallest thread of wild chance

To choose it in the blind

So against the odds that tether

I break into the sun

My weather-weary spirit

Emergent champion

To leave behind what held me

To echo the amen

To relocate the beating heart 

To be born again, again.